Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
