Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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