Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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