And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
