Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
