i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
