One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
