I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think i have two assholes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
