Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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