Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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