I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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