Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize