Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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