before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
