Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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