from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Drake has all the answers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
