Please, let me fuck your mom
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize