The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
