Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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