Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
