Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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