I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had sex on a roof
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
