he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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