Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
