You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
