Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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