come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize