thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
