If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
