32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
