We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
