i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
