To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Im part way to drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
