i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
