can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
