Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
