she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
