24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
