dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
