I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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