He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
