Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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