Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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