is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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