Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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