My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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