Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
