So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
