Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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