i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
