his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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