I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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