I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize