You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
