dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
