"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
