he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
