this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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