Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize