We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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