How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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