My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
