i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
