Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm getting married
To pizza
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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