I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
