you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
