i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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