Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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