'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
