these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
