How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
