Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
