I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
