i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When did angry sex become our thing?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
