just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dick very happy bro
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
