I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
