when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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