I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
