Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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