i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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