Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
