Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize