Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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