Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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