The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
