i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
