The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize