Ambien. No doubt about it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
