I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
