how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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